REVEALED! Cesc-Wenger Conversation This Summer

As usual, the Fabregas-to-Barcelona rumours are starting to erupt from nowhere again as the season comes to a close. Last year saw most Arsenal fans worried about the possibility of their talisman, Cesc Fabregas leaving for greener pasture. A conversation took place between him and Wenger in what was, for Cesc, the best he’s ever had in his life. Arsene persuaded him to stay for at least another summer. Here’s something similar that’d happen again this summer…

Cesc(enters): Arsene, did you call me?

AW: Yes of course.There are rumours suggesting that you’ve already agreed a personal deal with Barca.

Cesc: Yes I have.

AW:But why?

Cesc: Pique texted that he wanted a rematch of the Skipping competition we two used to have in our childhoods.

AW:And…

Cesc: C’mon boss, that was one competition I used to win. Here at Arsenal, no one plays that game and we also don’t win any trophies.

AW(angrily):What are you talking about? I hold the Emirates Cup every year for the same sake.

Cesc: But there are no quality players here…

AW:Wait a minute, you forgot Deni. And Bendtner.And your countryman Almunia.

Cesc: I can’t stand this much competition for places.How can I replace Denilson or Diaby?

AW: The truth is, you really can’t. Have a ever seen Deni’s 2 yard screamer. You and Xavi can only dream of such a goal. 

Cesc: Yes it’s true!Whenever I try that, it goes straight into the keeper’s hands. Kudos to Deni!

AW:At Barca, you won’t get as good a player as him. So why do you wanna go?

Cesc:Puyol wants the Barca shirt he put on me back.

AW:By the way, you looked good in that one.

Cesc:I sure did.

Cesc:I even looked at our new away kit. Good enough reason to leave huh?

AW:Yeah at least I don’t have to wear it. Any other reason?

Cesc:At least Barca’s rivals don’t do better than ours. Tottenham beat us at home and even did better in the Champions League.

AW:I’m sorry about that.But what can you do about a team comprising of apes?

Cesc: Also I think other Arsenal players abuse me in French.

AW(shocked):You haven’t learned French yet???

Cesc:We are an English team so why should I?

AW:Oh Cesc! You can counter-abuse them in Spanish.

Cesc: Almunia translates it when I do so.

AW(fuming):That Spanish traitor.

Cesc:What about the hair-cuts of some players…

AW:Namely…

Cesc:Song, Sagna ,Chamakh…

AW:What about Puyol’s?

Cesc:Oh about that! I had a fight with him when I was 6 and his hair never recovered from it.

AW:What if you leave and Puyol does the same to you.

Cesc:I didn’t think about that.I also broke Iniesta’s G.I.Joe.Even stole Messi’s Barney.Now I understand why Barca players wanted me to sign for them.

It’s a conspiracy.They want everything back.I love my hair.I still play with Barney.I’m staying at Arsenal.I’m staying.

AW:I knew you would.

Cesc:But what about trophies?

AW:The Emirates Cup has even worse teams this year.

Cesc:Yesssss!This was the best conversation of my life Arsene.You acted like a father-figure and saved me from that devil team.

AW:Any time.

Cesc:Thank you Arsene. I love you.

AW:It’s my pleasure.

Cesc leaves happily…

AW(to himself):Poor boy! Told him the same thing last year and he stayed. Nasri was right.Cesc has a poor poor memory.

And that’s how Cesc will again stay at Arsenal this year.

*This post is completely meant for fun and should not at all be taken seriously.*

A Spot to Fill: Which Players Should Arsene Wenger Buy?

Here’s a guest article from Anders Marshall from Canada. He thinks that we do need some players in the summer but not many as we’ve got one hell of a team. This is his first article so be a little lenient on him. Over to you Anders.

A Spot to Fill: Which Players Should Arsene Wenger Buy?

                                                                    By Anders Marshall

As seasons come and go, many fans of Arsenal FC feel that with a little more money spent on proven talent and less on inexperienced youth, they would be adding more to the trophy cabinet. I’m definitely one of those fans. The problem is that Wenger is stubborn in his signings and doesn’t like to sign older, more expensive players. Despite these limiting factors, here’s a list of the top positions that need filling, and who could occupy them.

Goalkeeper

Absolutely no one. I know the last sentence was a bit misleading, but this point needs to be made. Since Lehmann’s departure, there have been endless cries to sign a goalkeeper, but Arsene Wenger stood firm. He chose to rely on Manuel Almunia and Lukasz Fabianski instead. In the short-term, it seemed like a horrendous blunder on AW’s part, but this season we have seen Fabianski flourish into a strong, calm goalkeeper who made very few mistakes. Unfortunately, he’s been lost to injury. Then came along Wojciech Szczesny, a goal keeper quite similar to Lehmann: good reflexes, shot stopping, and mad. He did very well on his debut against Manchester United only conceding once against Park Ji Sung, and has been the reason Arsenal haven’t lost more games. Position filled.

Defence

Similar to the goalkeeping conundrum, Wenger stood firm and didn’t sign anyone in the winter transfer window, despite rampant calls for a new centre back. This was understandable, with four centre backs already in the senior squad, Le Boss felt that he had enough talent at his disposal. With Tomas Vermaelen out for the season with a possible return for next, the back line will be very crowded. Of course there is an odd man out: Sebastien Squillaci. Squillaci has been poor at best for most of his first season at arsenal. He lacks pace and communication when he is paired with Laurent Koscielny. His departure would free up wage funds and add a small amount to the war chest. The most likely and most capable candidate for signing would be Mamadou Sakho. French, tall, young, and fairly cheap. He ticks all the boxes. He has great leadership qualities as well, captaining his side since he was seventeen. If Wenger could secure the Frenchman’s services, then qualms about defence would surely cease.

Midfield

 

This is where Arsenal have been lacking recently, to our surprise. Without Cesc Fabregas in form, the team lacks ideas and pace in the build up. Signing someone like Eden Hazard or promoting Ryo Myaichi next season could work wonders for the front line, as well as selling Abou Diaby, Denilson, and Tomas Rosicky would give us more money for a tough holding midfielder, something Arsenal sorely lack at times when Alex Song is injured. Charlie Adam looks a likely candidate if he is allowed to leave Blackpool next season. He provides goals, strength, stability and calm to the back line and would be a vital asset for years to come at 25 years of age. Another attacking winger would ensure Samir Nasri gets a more central role, because he has proved to be a worthy replacement should El Capitan become injured. Fabregas has been known to be the most creative midfielder in the team, but right now the attack is looking slow and predictable. The most important thing to do is hold on to Nasri and Fabregas, and perhaps open up the pocket-book for Eden Hazard.

Attack

 

This line has always puzzled me. Robin Van Persie is arguably the best left footed striker in the world, but it’s too bad he’s injured for at least half of every season. Yet again, Arsene Wenger signed a fairly unknown player in Marouane Chamakh, but turned him into one of the best strikers in the EPL. While Chamakh was lighting up the stage along with Samir Nasri, RVP and Fabregas were waiting in the ranks to come back to the first team. At first they both seemed rusty. Then came the new year, which saw both players on fire with goals and assists aplenty. With RVP back in form, Chamakh was relegated to the bench. I don’t think a transfer in for a new player is absolutely necessary, provided tactics change for next year. Partner RVP with either Chamakh or Bendtner, giving us more height and heading ability. Position filled.

Conclusion

 

All in all, Arsenal are a great team who really deserve better, but are usually struck with injuries which results in mediocre players getting the start. With these new players added to the line up, Arsenal will have a new-found depth and skill in their squad required to win trophies.